Monday, January 26, 2009

Week Three - Following your fascinations

Week Three of 12 Secrets of Highly Creative Women got me thinking about intuition and bravery in my life. I've been fighting my intuition lately. I know we all do sometimes. It goes something like this: I have an image of what I want my life to look like right now, what I want to spend my time and money on, and it seems to be about being/becoming a great somatic therapist, travelling, spending more time painting, knitting, writing, singing, dancing, and making real connections with others. But a scared part of me wants to mess with that. Wants to insert a degree somewhere in there. Wants to make me a "better" person, that is, someone with more social status. Many people I know have graduate degrees and I DON'T! Also, school historically has been a place of greater safety and visibility for me, and I don't want to feel that I don't have that as an option. Why can't I want to have more degrees?, the scared part wrings its hands. And it keeps thinking of degrees I might want to do to entice me. But a part of me knows what it wants. And doesn't give a fig for social status, or safety (can't buy that anyhow). I keep following the path of what smells, looks, and feels right to try. And it will keep on developing, and changing. But I have to keep following it. Perhaps the greater strides I take on the path that is calling me, whatever is calling me, the softer the scared clutching will become.

7 comments:

Sacred Suzie said...

This is powerful. I know what it's like to struggle to make this kind of decision. What does your heart say? Follow the joy and fear. Where is your desire? Don't do what's smart, do what feels right and a little crazy.

Genie Sea said...

Some of the most ignorant and stifled people I have ever met hold degrees. :) Just thought I would throw that hat into the ring. :)

Follow your bliss my friend, and lets throw their lemons back at them. :)

Kavindra said...

Fascinating to read. It strikes me that you smell look and feel your way ... like an animal. Animals are very good with intuition, we call it instinct ... and they never go wrong.

There's a Mary Oliver poem that is ringing in my ears as I read this. She is so wise

Wild Geese
You do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk on your knees
for a hundred miles through the desert repenting.
You only have to let the soft animal of your body
love what it loves.
Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.
Meanwhile the world goes on.
Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain
are moving across the landscapes,
over the prairies and the deep trees,
the mountains and the rivers.
Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air,
are heading home again.
Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,
the world offers itself to your imagination,
calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting
over and over announcing your place
in the family of things.

from Dream Work by Mary Oliver

Sandra said...

Thank you :) .. I'm going to try to do what feels crazy, blissful, and instinctive..

Lissa said...

Social Status does not a woman make,
but what lies in her heart & what she creates...


let intuition guide you my friend...

Sheila said...

If your intuition moves you fast enough the scared clutches can't catch you...

(that's as much for me as for you, I just realized)

Jamie said...

What a beautiful reminder that you already know what to do.

Body & soul wisdom. You got it.